


you could love me if I knew how to lie

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Civil War (Marvel), F/M, M/M, Mild Spoilers, Minor Sharon Carter/Steve Rogers, Oblivious Steve Rogers, POV Sharon Carter, Stucky - Freeform, on why some things are just not meant to be, sharon carter is a good person, sharon is a good bro, somewhat of an au in that sharon and bucky have an oprah moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-11
Packaged: 2018-06-07 18:44:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6819724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Sharon were to pinpoint the exact moment she fell for Steve Rogers it wouldn't have been at first sight - not at his modest apartment with Nick Fury dying on the floor as he dashed off in the opposite direction. Nor would it have been the quiet moment in between his apartment and hers wherein he'd blushed and awkwardly offered to take her out for coffee but he'd certainly charmed her even then.</p><p>It had happened on a frigid rainy day in New York.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you could love me if I knew how to lie

**Author's Note:**

> she held the world upon a string  
> but she didn't ever hold me  
> spun the stars on her fingernails  
> but it never made her happy

If Sharon were to pinpoint the exact moment she fell for Steve Rogers it wouldn't have been at first sight - not at his modest apartment with Nick Fury dying on the floor as he dashed off in the opposite direction. Nor would it have been the quiet moment in between his apartment and hers wherein he'd blushed and awkwardly offered to take her out for coffee but he'd certainly charmed her even then.

It had happened on a frigid rainy day in New York when she'd met up with Steve and Sam at a three star (if you were feeling particularly generous) hotel where the two friends had been staying. The small coffee table was covered in files, maps, highlighters and grainy photo's of Bucky Barnes in various locations. Styrofoam coffee cups filled the trashcan as well as an empty container of instant coffee and someone had made an attempt at discarding four partially folded up pizza boxes but apparently gave up halfway.

She'd listened and offered tips as Steve detailed every location they'd visited and what they'd came across. It was always the same: a safe-house devoid of weaponry, ammunition and spare clothing that had been stored there. If it wasn't for Sam's eye for detail during their last exploration they would've missed a shirt balled up in the corner of one (stained and stretched around the left arm) or the slip of paper in Bucky's handwriting with numbers hastily scribbled onto it in an abandoned building in Prague (this, amazingly, led to the next place that they'd cased).

He was all business and laser focused on one goal: finding James Buchanan Barnes.

Anyone who'd devote every penny and spare minute to locating an estranged loved one was certainly someone worthy of respect (and hers wasn't easy to comeby but he'd earned it).

Eleven hours after poring over plans, trying to pinpoint a pattern in Bucky's travels and weighing their options she'd fallen for this man who loved fiercely as if his life hinged upon locating this one man.

At some point Sam had called it quits and sprawled across one of the full sized beds while Steve had continued working nonstop for five straight hours. On hour six he'd taken a grainy still of Bucky in his hand and sighed, slumped in his chair. Sharon had leafed through a stack of papers and pretended not to have overheard his quiet _"Where are you?"_ as if the photograph might lead Bucky home.

He needed someone whether he wanted to admit it or not and she was willing to be that person. She'd assembled the papers into a manageable stack then curled up in the corner of the sofa, she'd wait if need be and if he wasn't ready then that was just as well.

And then he'd crumbled like a flood wall under pressure. At first he'd spoken softly as he stared at the picture then settled onto the opposite side of the couch and essentially strung together something she'd overlooked: he was in love with his best friend and this was their story.

He'd smiled sadly as he recounted Brooklyn in 1925 and how vastly different the world was back then, had carefully placed the photo atop of the stack of papers as he told her about the numerous times he'd waded in too deep (had found himself on the wrong end of a fist in many a back alley) and Bucky had rescued him again and again. He'd described the shanty apartment that he and Bucky had shared in between basic training for Bucky and the few and far in between leaves he was granted - they'd had a bathtub in the kitchen and boiled most of their food, he'd briefly worked at a mom and pop store that no longer existed.

Once that dam was breached the memories had flowed out one after another - _when we were 14 he...never-mind that. Around '35 we nearly burnt down his mothers kitchen because I'd stayed the night and we'd yet to sleep - it was 2am and we should've known that hot oil on a gas stove when mostly unsupervised was a terrible idea but we were younger then. We thought nothing could hurt us. And then in '44 we nearly froze to death in Europe as we were scouting out Hydra with our team. That would be the Howling Commandos but you probably already know that._ [he paused and shook his head] _We ended up having to shove snow out of our tent and huddle together to keep warm; he kept making remarks about how bony my elbows were and how he'd thought the serum would've fixed that but he didn't mean any harm by it. I think maybe he was missing home._

She fell in love with the way his words came together to paint pictures of a time that he was painfully nostalgic for, of how he spoke about Bucky as if he were the sun in a sky so dark that even the stars refused to shine. She'd kept it to herself, tried to bury those feelings because it wasn't fair to ask him to love someone else and she deserved someone who could love her with their whole heart.

That would never be Steve Rogers but that didn't mean she couldn't help him find his way.

**+**

Two years later she'd met the man Steve had fallen for when they were only children, had shaken his hand and silently congratulated him on being such a strong person and surviving absolute hell for the majority of his life, on unknowingly carving out a large space in Steve's heart. She didn't miss the way that Steve kept turning back toward the vehicle where Sam and Bucky sat as he spoke to her or how his blue eyes were no longer dull - how they came to life for Bucky.

It certainly wasn't one sided but Bucky seemed to hold back when it came to Steve. Likely he'd spent years doing exactly that - putting Steve's happiness first and himself last. Sharon decided that Bucky needed incentive to make a move and if she couldn't love Steve in the way that he craved (that heart & soul 'if you died I'd make sure I did the next day' sort of devotion) then she'd make damn sure that Bucky could when he was ready.

In the middle of what was becoming an all out war with Bucky at the center (Bucky Barnes vs the U.S government as well as the U.N.) she'd kissed Steve and made sure that Bucky witnessed it. He and Sam were crammed into a 1965 Volkswagen beetle and she could feel their eyes on her yet when they'd turned, both men pasted on a smile as if they hadn't been watching. As if Bucky hadn't been frowning and clenching his jaw the entire time.

What her training hadn't taught her, what her mother had never explained was that a first kiss and a farewell kiss feel exactly the same - that an apology could be murmured between anothers' lips without a single word  _('I'm sorry that I can't love you like he does')_ and sometimes two people were meant to be together.

Much like her aunt Peggy before her she was kissing Steve Rogers goodbye and trusting him to love Bucky Barnes in this life or the next. She'd never wanted to be a cautious tale about falling in love with someone whose heart was already taken and yet here she was.

Steve Rogers had already mapped out his future from the minute Bucky Barnes had swung that first punch in his honor when they were mere children - who could dare compete with that?

 

She broke the kiss and took a step back. "I'd like to speak with Barnes in private if that's okay."

Steve turned toward the two men and gave them both a small smile and then solemnly turned back to her. "Is it a legal matter? We've been discreet but I feel like we're running out of time. They will find us, Sharon."

"It's not a legal matter, no. I'll head them off for as long as I can but no promises."

Steve nodded and wiped at a smudge on his hand before motioning for Bucky to come over.

"I'd like a word with you, Mr. Barnes."

Bucky tensed and Steve didn't miss a thing. He noted the slight movement and cautiously squeezed Bucky's shoulder. Sharon watched as the two of them exchanged a silent conversation - _'I'll be right over here if you need me, I'm not going anywhere.' 'I'll be fine, go.'_ before Steve slid into the drivers seat of the car and closed the door behind him.

"My name is Sharon Carter, nice to finally meet you Mr. Barnes. I've heard a lot about you," she offered as she shook his hand; noted the smudges on it that matched Steve's from an earlier run in with the authorities.

"Any relation to Peggy Carter?," Bucky asked as he dropped her hand and stuffed both of his into his jean pockets.

Sharon smiled - "My aunt. You've met her, I assume?"

Suddenly Bucky had that far away look in his eyes that meant he was trying to place her, desperately picking through memories to find Peggy. He remembered her in vague flashes - red lipstick, a sharp feeling of jealousy in his gut but the rest was patchy at best.

He nodded.

This wasn't the way to get through to him - not when remembering brought him nothing but pain.

"Steve is rather fond of you," she stated. Better to test the waters before essentially throwing Bucky to the deep end.

Bucky shifted uncomfortably and gave her a polite smile that said 'I'm not sure how to respond to that, I'm not even sure if it's true' but remained silent.

Perhaps a more direct route then.

"I'm not a fool, Mr. Barnes. I know love when I see it and I hope you do too. Steve cares for you in a way that he could never care for me, do you understand?"

Bucky gaped at her - straight into the deep it was then.

"I...I don't know what you're implying but I think you've got it all wrong," Bucky countered and crossed his arms over his chest defenselessly.

He had a tendency for assuming that others always had an ulterior motive and honestly Sharon couldn't blame him for that. He'd been betrayed and abused over and over throughout the course of his life after being captured by Hydra in 1944 but she wasn't here to hurt him though the kiss had put quite a dent in that plan.

Sharon saw Steve lean forward in his seat out of the corner of her eye. He'd noted Barnes' closed off body language and was ready to spring to his defense if need be.

"I'm not going to pretend that we're anything other than two strangers who share a common interest. I'm sure you've already figured that one out and I'm not asking you to trust me. I'm asking you to do what I can't, when you're ready. He needs you just as much as you need him, Mr. Barnes."

Bucky swallowed hard and glanced at Steve briefly before returning his attention to Sharon.

Suspicious eyes stared back at her - "How do you know this?"

"Lets just say that there's a side of Steve that most aren't party to and most of it is wrapped up in you. In fact I would venture to say that 98% of it is wrapped up in you."

Bucky still remained unconvinced as he clenched his jaw and rocked back on his heels.

"Bony elbows. He said you complained about them and how the serum hadn't changed that. That was in '44," she murmured; voice soft and hopeful that this would spring forth a memory.

This caught Bucky's attention. His eyebrows furrowed in recognition, eyes wide as he focused on a point to the left of her - nothing in particular but at this current moment it served as his tether to the past. Somehow Sharon got the feeling that there was more to that story than she was told. It was obviously a powerful memory.

"Who told you that?," he questioned.

"Steve."

Bucky considered this and sighed.

She'd expected relief, a brief smile, something more than how he seemed to wilt before her eyes.

"This is a bad idea," Bucky stated.

And maybe it was. Maybe Steve latching onto a moving helicopter in order to keep Bucky was a horrible idea (yeah she'd heard all about that one) or maybe this was a long overdue second chance waiting in the wings.

"He's never going to let you go," Sharon retorted. Even if Barnes chose to pretend that this conversation never happened it wouldn't change the fact that Steve was holding onto him with everything he had and unless Barnes chose to leave on his own terms he'd continue to do so.

Bucky shook his head and stared at the ground. "I know."

"This doesn't have to hurt," Sharon replied.

Steve Rogers was easy to love but it was an intense and all consuming love when returned with full force. It was not to be taken lightly though Sharon doubted that Barnes had ever taken anything lightly when it came to Steve. If Barnes let him Steve would give him his everything and nothing less.

Bucky rubbed his forehead in frustration. "You don't understand. Everything comes with a price."

"He can keep himself safe, Mr. Barnes. I assure you of that."

Steve was anything if not resilient.

Bucky sighed and his shoulders drooped as he nodded. He was probably more aware of that fact that anyone else living or dead. His memories might be shaky and distorted but he knew all about Steve's stubbornness and incredible ability to find danger no matter where he went. Steve was forever insisting that he didn't need help - _"I can do this on my own, Buck."_ Yeah. Those words still stung.

"He doesn't need protection, he needs love," Sharon stated.

"Why not you?," Bucky inquired.

That was a loaded question that Sharon didn't feel like explaining in depth.

She smiled and shrugged. "As it turns out, I'm not his type. He has a thing for dangerous brunettes."

Bucky didn't return the sentiment, instead he flexed both hands by his side. "You kissed him."

It came out more like a bitter accusation than fact.

"The last time that my aunt Peggy saw Steve alive in 1944, she kissed him goodbye and until the past few years she'd assumed he hadn't survived. She had to let him go, she had to lose him and she did it because she cared. You see, I know a thing or two about farewell kisses, Mr. Barnes. They're what happens when you realize you've already lost. This is me bowing out. That's all it was, I assure you of that."

Bucky nodded and noticeably flinched at the recollection of Steve's 'death.' Hydra scientists were sure to remind him of that fact when he'd struggle against the machines, against his restraints as he tried desperately to hold onto at least one memory of him.

He stood silent for a moment, lost in his train of thought and Sharon held her position. She could see Steve having a conversation with Sam that included a lot of stern looks and pointing toward her and Bucky. He had no idea that his future possibly hinged on this moment, he was too busy assuming the worst.

"Okay. Okay, fine," Bucky said at last.

"Pardon?"

He straightened his back and lifted his chin as if he were accepting a dangerous mission and was preparing himself for disaster.

"I do care for him, I think I always have. How do I...I'm not sure where to go from here."

This gave Sharon a feeling of both relief and disappointment. It was illogical but feelings were rarely rational.

"You could tell him. It doesn't have to be right now, take your time."

Bucky pursed his lips tensely and nodded. "When this is all over, I will. Not until then."

Understandable. He didn't want to emotionally compromise Steve more than he already was yet the waiting in itself was risky. They may not make it out of this alive. Still, Barnes had spent decades with others making decisions for him. This was one he was making on his own.

"I understand," Sharon assured him.

Bucky turned toward Steve and caught him mid gesturing toward he and Sharon. Upon realizing this, Steve dropped his hand and gave them a weak smile.

"I've taken up enough of your time, I'll let you go. I'll keep the authorities off your back and that should give you at least 24hrs to fly under the radar," she added.

Bucky stuck out his hand and there were tears in his eyes as he shook Sharon's.

She'd made the right decision. If they could manage to survive what looked to be an outright war they'd finally have what they'd waited an entire lifetime for.

Bucky took a deep breath and exhaled in an attempt to gather himself. "Thank you."

Sharon smiled - "Take care of him."

Bucky released her hand and threw an "I always do" over his shoulder as he made his way to the cramped vehicle.

He'd explain it all to Steve someday but not right now.

**+**

With that behind her, Sharon focused on the task ahead. Steve was only a part of the whole of her life and there was work to be done if they all wanted to survive the fallout of the return of Barnes.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a fan of sharon but I hate that she's viewed as someone who is shooting holes in stucky but I also can't see her and steve having a relationship. I mean yes the intentions might be there but it falls flat. don't come at me with sharon hate please, again I'm not anti staron. I just can't get behind the concept. 
> 
> also yes I completely acknowledge that she's so much more than a mere love interest. she's strong, smart, beautiful and has a hell of a lot to offer. I wrote this to capture one side of her and that's the romantic angle. maybe when all this dies down she'll find nat ;)


End file.
